READ | SERMON NOTES
Summary l Romans 12:9-21 is often seen in two parts: verses 9–16 focus on love within the Christian community, while verses 17-21 deal with love toward enemies. But the heart of it all is verse 9: “Let love be genuine.” Paul teaches that Christian love must be authentic; not a performance or pretence. As Joseph Fitzmyer puts it, “Affection masked as a pretence of friendship is odious. Christian love cannot be that. Our love must reflect Christ’s love. “Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for us” (Ephesians 5:2). This is how faith comes to life through love.
Aristotle, in Nicomachean Ethics, described three forms of friendship that reflect how we often relate to others. These provide a framework for evaluating our relationships:
- Friendship of Utility
These are based on mutual benefit; helping with tasks, sharing resources or working together. They are practical but temporary, often fading when the shared need disappears. Many friendships begin here like in neighbours, classmates or colleagues; but often don’t deepen beyond convenience. - Friendship of Pleasure
Formed through shared enjoyment; like sports, hobbies and social interests. These friendships can bring deep connection and camaraderie but are fragile when life seasons change. When interests shift or time becomes scarce, these friendships often dissolve. - Friendship of Virtue
This is the deepest form that is rooted in mutual respect, shared values, and a commitment to help one another grow. These friendships endure because they are built on something lasting and true, not on utility or pleasure alone.
Do you have friendships rooted in virtue in your church or small group? These don’t form by chance. They require commitment and intentional practice. As Tim Suttle reminds us, virtue is a habit, not a trait, and it grows slowly, like spiritual maturity. This is why small groups matter as they are where genuine friendships and Christlike character are cultivated. But we must ask if our groups are truly welcoming, or just briefly accommodating?
To grow friendships of virtue, we need to cultivate three pillars:
- Stability – Staying Rooted
In a fast-moving world, we’re tempted to seek new communities, churches, or friendships when things get difficult. But deep relationships only grow when we stay put. Christine Pohl writes, “We want community on our own terms, with easy entrances and exits.” Yet true growth comes through long-term commitment, even when it’s difficult. Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove compares stability to a tree. it only bears fruit when its roots grow deep. Constant uprooting leads to shallow living. Friendship of virtue begins with rootedness in Christ and in the community where God has placed us. - Solidarity – Walking with One Another in Our Mess
Solidarity means choosing to walk with others through pain and brokenness. It requires tearing down walls of fear, pride, and prejudice to see others as beloved by God. In the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus shows how grace offends the self-righteous. The older brother couldn’t accept love shown to the undeserving. If we reflect Christ’s love, we must be willing to lose the approval of those who prefer tidy, comfortable communities. Solidarity means:
• Naming our mess with vulnerability – the courage to be seen and known.
• Extending empathy and gentleness – walking with others through hidden struggles like grief, mental illness, or addiction, not minimizing their pain, but being present in it.
Paul urges us in Romans 12:10 to “love one another with mutual affection.” This kind of love is only possible when we also share our mess and embrace one another’s.
- Grace – Choosing Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Conflict is inevitable in our community. When it happens, we may be quick to withdraw but God calls us to press in with grace. Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:15 that we are to speak truth in love and not to vent anger, but to restore relationship. As Chris Rice writes in Grace Matters, “You grow into God’s love not by making demands but by giving grace.” Grace means forgiving when we’ve been wronged, loving when it’s undeserved and returning even when we’d rather walk away.
We become more like Christ not just by knowing grace, but by living it especially when it’s hard. And even when we fail, we keep trying. Don’t assume people are okay based on appearances. Spiritual struggles often hide behind high performance. Be present, listen well, and offer grace.
Conclusion:
We are called to live out a love that is genuine, not superficial or short-lived. This love flourishes in friendships of virtue formed by:
• Stability – remaining rooted in Christ and committed to community.
• Solidarity – embracing one another’s mess with empathy and courage.
• Grace – offering forgiveness and seeking restoration even in conflict.
Let’s build small groups and friendships where virtue can grow. Let our church become a community where people are seen, loved, and transformed. May our love be real. May it reflect the love of Christ. And may it bear fruit that lasts.
(Sermon notes by Alex Choe)
PONDER | REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- Study Scripture
- What does it mean for love to be genuine (Romans 12:9)?
- What will we need to hate what is evil and hold fast to what is good (Romans 12:9) ?
- Recall Sermon
- What are the three types of friendship mentioned?
- What point or illustration from the sermon stood out to you most? Why?
- Relate Personally
- What are the mess and heartaches that you have experienced amongst friends in the past?
- What hinders you from being more anchored in your small group today?
- How have you experienced God’s transforming grace in your small group?
- Commit to Action
- What is one practical way you may take to genuinely become more anchored in church or your small group in the coming week?
